I am so sorry that I haven't been on here much lately. I'm drowning in school work... or at least I tripped over a pile of some this morning... heh. But, I'd just like to say I do appreciate all of you and the friendship that you have given to me over the years, bit by bit making my life more bearable. You all give me something to look back on and say that I'm proud of having to have known you. I can't describe the support you've given me by simply recognizing I'm here. I love you all.
Last November (in real life) I thought I'd made a good friend after a year of waiting for someone to find me. She was nice, and seemed like an honest person. She liked the same things I did and didn't seem to think I was a weirdo. I guess I kind of felt accepted.
Then, after a while, I became friends with her friends. Of course, as normal protective instincts go; they thought I was sort of taking her away from them. It was only due to my desperation and relief of finally having someone to relate with that I spent time with her. Her friends over time got used to me, and eventually we all became close, or so I thought.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I always expected to lose them. Something was nagging at me, telling me that I could think they were good friends as of now, but that I would not be able to call them friends forever. I still hung out with them, laughed with them, and pretended as if I believed we'd be friends forever. I still kept that thought in the back of my mind though. They gave me no reason to suspect our friendship wouldn't last. I just didn't know how to trust.
A few months later I actually believed they were my friends. The thought in the back of my mind began to fade. Little by little I started to pour out to them. I thought it was safe. I let them see who I truly was and what I was truly like. They accepted me. It was a great feeling.
Now, I'm just realizing how much my friendship with them means. This school year we were all separated. They've found friends who they say have amazing qualities, qualities I thought I used to provide. Now, they have even lost common interest in things we used to share in common. All in the meantime I keep saying to myself 'I told you so,' but at the same time I still feel sad about being replaced.
I was such an idiot to believe in that trash which I used to call friends. I'm so stupid.